Archives For January 2011

What’s the most dangerous myth out there?

Myth #1: Conflict Means Trouble
It’s impossible to live together with our various idiosyncrasies and not get annoyed with each other! As a matter of fact, the avoidance of conflict is one of the top causes of divorce. Every couple has approximately ten irreconcilable differences; and yet what’s labeled as the cause of divorce at the top of most divorce papers? Irreconcilable differences.

Conflict leads to closeness when it’s done well. In other words, there is a refusal to name-call, scream, verbally attack, become defensiveness, or withdraw from the conversation. When couples express anger in a way that is direct, honest, and without the belittling, there is great satisfaction once the conclusion has been reached. I encourage couples to lean into the conflict; not back away in damaging silence. It doesn’t’ mean that a break isn’t good; where one of you calls it and you both agree to cease and return in an hour so tempers can calm. Bottom-line, we must simply learn how to fight well! Continue Reading…