Being Sexually Confident

February 21, 2007 — Leave a comment

KSL TVââ?¬â??Studio 5

What’s the key to feeling sexually confident for a woman? According to Dr. Liz and many of our viewers, it has nothing to do about being thin, young, and beautiful.

Last week, I asked viewers to write in and answer the question “How do you or someone you know stay sexually confident in marriage?” We received so many great suggestions and ideas from our viewers; sadly, only time for a few! Here are a few collected thoughts on ways to be sexually confident in marriage:

“Sexercise”
O.K., here’s a quiz: Would you rather run 75 miles or have sexual intimacy three times a week for a year? Research shows that both activities burn the same number of calories (7,500 to be exact). Two of our viewers, Nicole and LaNova, state that they keep their confidence alive by exercising with their mates. The blood flows, they feel good about their bodies, and well, you know the rest!

According to the American Council on Exercise, being physically active can be a natural Viagra boost. Men and women who exercise regularly have increased levels of sexual desire, confidence, and greater sexual satisfaction.

Since the brain is the most important sexual organ, it makes sense that exercise which boosts the neurotransmitters such as, norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin, would reduce stress, anxiety, and increase positive mood states�..causing one to feel more interested and energized for sex!

We often hear how body image is a real thorny issue for women�it seems that few women feel 100% confident about their bodies�..especially after having a baby. Did any of our viewers write in about how they handle those physical changes?

Embrace What Is (font)
We often hear how body image is a real thorny issue for womenââ?¬Â¦it seems that few women feel 100% confident about their bodiesââ?¬Â¦..especially after having a baby. Several viewers had great insight about these physical changes and I so appreciate their candidness! Tamara, a mother of four from Bountiful, stated that her “stretch marks and saggy parts are badges of honor,” and her laugh lines show all of the joy in her life.

Christina from Salt Lake added that sexual confidence starts with loving yourself. “If you really accept how you look at any age and just love yourself, you’ll be more confident with your spouse.”

Here’s what’s interesting: Despite feeling unattractive, nearly three-quarters of middle-aged women said they enjoy sexual intimacy with their husbands once they got into it! That demonstrates an important point: A significant part of good body image is mental. A woman who feels good about her body will feel sensual no matter what her size or shape.

A woman’s self-consciousness and self-criticism can chip-away at the sexual moment for both her and her husband. Don’t do that to your marriage! Women who don’t feel great about their bodies project those feelings onto their partner. Act as if!

Fake-It (confidence, that is!)

In addition to eating right and exercising, which can make a huge difference in self-perception, embrace that inner goddess, if you will. Feel free to fake sexual confidence for a while if you have to. Creatively minimize your areas of concern; dim the lights, use candlelight, don a sexy bra or negligee. Remember, that sexiness comes from the inside out – not the other way around.

The number one complaint of women regarding sexual intimacy in marriage is a decreased libidoââ?¬Â¦.and certainly sexual confidence can be affected by that. I so appreciated the reminder of a great book entitled, “The Great American Sex Diet,” sent in by Janice from Santaquin.

Author, Laura Corn, writes about her solution to her own low sexual desire. Let me quote her:”I committed to having sex four times a week for a month – even if I didn’t feel like it – and boy was I surprise! It’s like anything else you don’t use. You forget about it, but then you wonder how you ever missed out on all the fun.”

Just Say “Yes”

“The Great American Sex Diet” has little to do with food, and more to do with nibbling on your partner. Actually, it discusses the importance of variety, anticipation, and planning. Each partner leads the sexual experience two of the four times, and the “occasions” are committed to on a calendarââ?¬Â¦.otherwise, they may not come to be.

Stretch Your Comfort Zone

Mike and Marcelle from West Valley discovered that Mike’s photography skills came in handy during a photo shoot of Marcelle in her lingerie or nothing at all, as a way for her to feel absolutely sexy, overcoming doubts she had about her physical shape. By the way, she has since lost over 60 pounds in part because she feels so great about herself.

Cynthia, from Ely Nevada, finds that by mixing things up, she maintains her sexual confidence. Occasionally, her husband will find a note in his lunch inviting him to meet her in a local motel in the middle of the day. Before he arrives, she sets up the room with candles, a warm bubble bath, and music, not to mention some delectable finger food and lovely lingerie. I think this is what they call an “afternoon delight!”

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Dr. Liz Hale

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