Making Time for Sex

February 14, 2007 — Leave a comment

KSL TVââ?¬â??Studio 5

Time. It�s a significant factor in any love life and yet most married couples seem to have little of it. Our universal time zappers come in all shapes and sizes: kids, careers, conflicts, communication breakdowns, and over-commitments.

We live in a time-starved world! Did you known that researchers in the field report that married women are having less sex today than our counterparts from the 1950�s? The demands of modern living are likely to blame. Fifty years ago, most women were stay-at-home moms with more free time. Few had jobs OR television sets. Today, many women hold down full-time jobs AND raise children. Guess where researchers say we are spending the remainder of our time? Shopping, working out, and watching television!

It seems that technology has just given us more things to attend to, right? Well, once, again, you�ve received too many responses to read but I heard you mention that many of our viewers suggested seizing the moments, even though they may be brief.

Seize the Moment
Making time for making love is key. The theme I heard again and again was staying creative and flexibleââ?¬Â¦.seize the moment when itââ?¬â?¢s before you! Tori and other young parents wrote in declaring their love for childrenââ?¬â?¢s videosââ?¬Â¦.pop in ââ?¬Å?Nemoââ?¬Â and trust that will buy you a little private time together. (ââ?¬Å?Nemoââ?¬Â must be a hot-seller!) Utilize childrenââ?¬â?¢s nap times as your ââ?¬Å?ownââ?¬Â nap time. Janet and her husband find that their best time for sexual intimacy is at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning when they know that both of their little boys are sound asleep. Katie in Alpine suggest that couples set the alarm for at least a half-hour earlier in the morning before the kids get up. NO need to worry about the interruption of the phone, doorbell, or children. Johanna said it very well, ââ?¬Å?Donââ?¬â?¢t put it off thinking you will have time later. If everyone is gone for an hour, go for it! If one of you wakes up in the middle of the night, (go for it!) wake up your partner and enjoy yourselves. Go ahead and take advantage of the moment and show each other how much you love them. Youââ?¬â?¢ll be surprised how often these moments will happen. ââ?¬Å?

Kristen from Salt Lake reminds us to never underestimate the power of a ââ?¬Å?quickie.ââ?¬Â Not every intimate moment needs to take an hour. And, Marissa instructs that flexibility is key on both ends ââ?¬â?? sometimes you are going to give and sometimes youââ?¬â?¢ll receiveââ?¬Â¦.so when time is short expect to take turns!

Be Spontaneously Creative
With four young children and a husband back in school full-time, Erika from West Haven believes itââ?¬â?¢s her job to keep the love alive and ease the tension of demanding schedules by stealing time together. Her advice, ââ?¬Å?When tension runs high, lock the bedroom door, enjoy a few moments together, and everything will be all better, once, again.ââ?¬Â (She joined her husband in the closet as he was trying to get dressed following his showerââ?¬Â¦) Way to steal those quick moments.

Another viewer, wishing to be anonymous, will say to their 3 young children, ââ?¬Å?Mommy and Daddy need to talk about the fun things that we are going to do for you but itââ?¬â?¢s a secret and we canââ?¬â?¢t be interrupted. Perhaps weââ?¬â?¢re talking about a trip to the ice cream store, or a move night, or better yet, a trip to Disneyland!ââ?¬Â Their children know that unless itââ?¬â?¢s really important, theyââ?¬â?¢ll leave their parents alone because whatever secret theyââ?¬â?¢re planning is going to make their life happier. (And theyââ?¬â?¢re right! It does!)

Cathy and her husband have been married for 27 years, and they have a code phrase to use just as an argument begins to get heated ââ?¬â?? ââ?¬Å?Weââ?¬â?¢ve got better things to do!ââ?¬Â This is their signal to each other to meet in the bedroom at 9:30 for sex because they love each other dearly, that is why they married, and nothing else in the world matters more.

Some viewers openly shared how they take on personal responsibility for preparing themselves for sexual intimacy with their mates. I love the fact that there isnââ?¬â?¢t any finger pointing ââ?¬â?? just ownership for this delicate area of marriage.

Mentally Prepare Yourself
Well said! Amy reminds herself that care for her husband is just as important as care for her children. She mentally prepares herself for marital intimacy by thinking of her husband throughout the day while caring for their small children so that it becomes easier to switch gears when the opportunities arise�..remember there�s not much time with those quick stolen moments so when you�re in the right mind-set you�re half-way there!

Kristi shared her ââ?¬Å?ah-ha moment,ââ?¬Â that there will always be something that we need to do that we feel weââ?¬â?¢re too tired for. So, she stopped using that excuse is this arena and now initiates and responds to her husbandââ?¬â?¢s advances. ââ?¬Å?Sexual intimacy sure wakes me up and I have enjoyed that special closeness with my husband.ââ?¬Â

Viewer Nicole encourages us to stay in the right mindset even when youââ?¬â?¢re both exhausted. ââ?¬Å?It just takes one more once of energy to reach over and kiss your husband…or cuddle or caress, and by the time you make that little bit of effort, you also make yourself happy.ââ?¬Â

Team-Up on Housework
Yes, several comments on the housework subject. Another Brooke wrote in that she and her husband double-team the housework and other duties in the evening after dinner with the mindset that something great is going to happen later that night. ââ?¬Å?We flirt while working to remind us what is coming.ââ?¬Â

Viewer Amy found that teamwork and planning with her husband were instrumental in an enjoyable sex life. ââ?¬Å?We get an early start on dinner and keep the house picked up so that when we put the kids to bed, we have very little clean-up to do. Instead of watching a movie or getting involved in some project, we turn off the lights and head to bed! Itââ?¬â?¢s a win-win for everyone and we just laugh at each other as we fly around at warp-speed getting read to head upstairs.ââ?¬Â

Laurelyn states, ââ?¬Å?Learn how to optimize the order of your house and plan ahead. Make a freezer pizza for dinner, leave the vacuuming, donââ?¬â?¢t worry about mating socks right now– thereââ?¬â?¢s other mating to be done. Unplug the phone, lock the door, say no to outside requests, turn off connections to the outside world, and make a connection with your spouseââ?¬Â¦.just make sure you plug everything back in when youââ?¬â?¢re finshed.

Many of our viewers remembered the suggestion from last week to schedule sexual intimacy on the calendar.

Schedule It In (Often!)
Yes, one of those came from Candi. She and her husband have been married for 32 years, and even today with an empty nest she and her husband still schedule intimacy; ââ?¬Å?whether itââ?¬â?¢s an hour or an afternoon, an overnighter or a weekââ?¬â?¢s vacationââ?¬Â¦..itââ?¬â?¢s not the intimacy thatââ?¬â?¢s pre-scheduled itââ?¬â?¢s just the time set aside for it. Spontaneity can co-habit well within a time-slot.ââ?¬Â

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Dr. Liz Hale

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